Five Freelance Secrets You Don’t Read About in Books

Before I took the plunge over the precipice of Steady Job Mountain, I did a lot of researching. I’ve read so many freelance and business books standing at a Barnes & Noble shelf that I find it’s hard to read sitting down anymore.

Busy with the business.

Among the mass of information out there about freelancing as an artist, I found lots of information about taxes, filing systems, invoicing, marketing, bill collecting, and the pitfalls of working from home. There’s all kinds of good advice about what to do if friends call you and want to go shopping every day or your parents think you’re a good for nothing little git. Clever pro and con lists about wearing pajamas all day are plentiful.

Now that I’ve had some experience under my… robe, I thought it would be interesting to put together my own list of things I’ve noticed in my small corner of the freelance world.

This is the real stuff, the stuff you don’t read about in the Graphic Design aisle at B & N.

Why Don’t They Call?

I don’t think I’ve ever picked up a freelance book that didn’t have some advice on how to deal with friends who are constantly calling you to go shopping and have lunch.

After bracing myself against this major barrier to success, I wish it would happen at least once. Where the hell are my friends? Why don’t they call or show up at my door with a six-pack of Coors and potato chips?

It’s because they all work for a living. Duh. Frankly, there’s a greater danger in me bothering them all day. After all, I can wrap up my day pretty much whenever I want, so the Gap sales will still be there.

Speaking of Wrapping Up… When Can I Be Done?

I’m supposed to set a schedule for myself so the day doesn’t get away from me.

Right.

After trying that a few different ways (I’m an iCal expert now), I’ve created my definitive schedule:

Morningish: Get up, eat, coffee, play with kids, discuss latest Bionicle story line.
After-Morningish: Look at clock, gasp in horror, make hasty exit to office.
Midday: Twitter. Read/respond to e-mail. Twitter. Do twelve other necessary tasks in no particular order. Twitter. Twitter. Twitter.
After-midday: Make more coffee. What’s for lunch?
After Lunch: Ready to work! Get ‘er done. Draw stuff, color it in, bill client.
Afternoon: Repeat if necessary, or play guitar until it feels necessary.
Evening: Start major project that will be frustrating to interrupt with dinner.
Nighttime: Finish everything I didn’t get to during Guitar Time.

Client disclaimer: This attempt at jocularity should not be misconstrued as a lax attitude toward completing your project. You are special. Your project takes precedence over all things, including children, wife, food, and emergency dental repair. Your deadline is safe. Remember those nice things you said to me last week? Let’s stay in that world, okay?

The truth is, when you set out on your own, you are never done. Not during dinner, not at the dentist, not even during sex when your iPhone alarm goes off to tell you to create that proposal. Welcome to your new 24-hour day.

Sure, go to the movies. Go shopping, take a break. Just don’t think that you’ll suddenly turn off that part of your brain that knows you’re in business.

Try to shut that part down during sex, though. Trust me on this one.

My Butt Hurts

This is the secret no one tells you before you start a freelance art career: Your butt. It is going to hurt. Your ass could be sitting in a chair for hours on end while you labor over bezier curves and mask tools.

Remember that chair you saw at Costco that you didn’t want to get out of but was “too expensive” for now? Stop what you’re doing, get in the car, and go buy that chair.

Your butt is worth it.

Guinness Record for Fullest Bladder Ever

Please go relieve yourself. Now. It’s okay, you can stop reading this and I’ll be here when you get back.

Nowhere in any freelance how-to book did it mention how long I would attempt to hold my bladder while working. I think this is such an important piece of advice for those new to the freelance world. It’s one of those secrets nobody tells you.

It’s so easy, isn’t it? You’re in control of your schedule, the day is now yours. No boss is quietly counting your bathroom breaks anymore. So why is it so hard to simply get up and have a pee?

In my case, it’s certainly not my rickety chair. It seems there’s always one more piece of that illustration to squeeze out, one more YouTube marketing video to watch, one more e-mail to read and respond to.

Listen. It will all be there when you get back. Go pee. Please.

Eating as a Side Business

I never knew how much I could eat throughout the day when I’m at home. Ironic that I can’t get myself to the loo, yet I have no trouble polishing off the box of ginger snaps after midday coffee.

Food is a nice distraction. When my fingers are sore from my procrastinating guitar playing, why not rest them by using my tasting muscles instead?

When I worked in a corporate environment, food was just as much of a distraction. It seemed that everyone used the kitchen as a sanctuary from spreadsheet drudgery.

Now that I’m on my own, I don’t really need a sanctuary. I’m already in it. So what’s with the weird binging? My theory is that freelancers bodies become deprived of the peanut butter vitamin over time. Fried starch and chocolate stores are also depleted more rapidly in the home office environment.

Our systems are telling us that we need snack foods. Isn’t the human body amazing?

Whether you’re considering the leap into freelancing or starting your home business, I hope these five tips have been beneficial to you. Please share them with others. If you see some poor soul standing in the business aisle at a Barnes & Noble looking troubled by the vast amounts of tax tips and file folder maintenance, share your new wisdom.

It’s actually my sixth secret of freelancing; share.

 
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