So, what’s your holiday promo? What do you mean, you don’t have one?

No. Way. Do you hear that? It’s Christmas music. Are you frikking kidding me? Already? My pumpkin latte is still warm and now it’s time for the egg nog latte.

Okay, whatever. So the retail people have decided that the holidays have started. Like it or not, right?

So I was thinking that, you know, as long as it’s here (and I’ll likely be saying this in July next year), small businesses may as well start taking advantage of it.

Take advantage of the need for shopping ease

I don’t sell products,* but if I did I would start throwing together my holiday deals now. One idea that struck my multi-color bulb laden head (and this idea is yours to keep, although you probably thought of it, too) is this: If you sell stuff (knitted products, e-books, or some kind of consulting service), why not offer a holiday gift package or online gift card?

For example, if you offer a consulting service and you have an e-book, throw ‘em together and sell them in a sweet, limited-time holiday package. Or, you could sell an online gift card-type thing. It can also be a fantastic marketing tool.

For example, if someone purchases one of your gift cards, ask them for the e-mail of the person they’re giving it to. After the holidays, send an e-mail to say hello and remind them that they’ve got some credit with you.

Or something like that.

Again, I’m sure you’ve thought of this stuff already because I am kind of slow in this area. It may be painfully obvious, but I’m not a marketing genius, I’m a graphics dude. For example, I looked up and suddenly it’s Thanksgiving. So now I have zero time to create Thanksgiving-themed art. See? I’m already behind.

Speaking of my real area of expertise, one thing to be careful of about offering holiday gift cards and online e-mails is that sometimes the graphics can wind up looking cheesy. Then, the people who get them feel like it’s a bargain-basement gift – even if the actual value is huge. They can also look hip and modern, like Apple’s iTunes gift cards, but companies like Apple and Target have ginormous ad budgets.

You probably don’t have a ginormous ad budget, so that kind of sucks.

However, before rushing into some random, crappy, out-of-the-box themed clip-art to stick on your e-mail or printable certificate, think about how the end recipient will feel about your thing when they see a pixelated Santa (jeez, is he wearing a thong? ewww) staring back at them. Don’t they feel special?

*Okay, oops. I do sell a product. I just forgot when I wrote that. I told you I suck at marketing.

The Clarence Holiday Promo Package

Have you seen It’s a Wonderful Life? If you haven’t, go watch it. I’m sure it’s playing on six different channels right now.

Anyway, Clarence – George’s guardian angel – is kind of a frustrating dude, right? He’s all, “George, I’m here to help you,” but then he’s like, “Sorry, George, I can’t do anything about that.”

Makes you want to slap him.

Well, I would love to be your Clarence for a month. Wait… I mean, without the frustration and slapping.

Listen, I know my custom illustration is expensive (I know because I set the prices). Maybe for a temporary holiday deal like you’re going to do (you’re doing this, right? C’mon!) you don’t want to spend $450 for an urban-chic elf graphic or $1200 so I can lay out your promo PDF. Its cool. Save your cash for the Big Stuff, the long-term promotions, okay?

I can’t step in and create your thing for free or even cheap. But I can be like Clarence and help you see where you screwed up and show you how to fix it.

The first guidance I can give you is this: I beg you. Do NOT drag a badly-drawn and jaggy graphic from Google images and stick it on your promo. We are a visually-oriented culture and to us, crappy image = low value.

So like I said, I can’t lay it out for you for nothing. But I can sit with you on the phone for an hour while we both look at your promo and I tell you how to make it decent and non-embarrassing.

I’ll also help you find and evaluate stock images to put on your thing. I have tons of resources to get pre-made art. Of course they’re out there for everyone to find but of course, I know what works and what blows, how much it should cost and what’s legal. So let me handle that part while you focus on the guts of your promo thingy.

Here’s where you can help me get my wings and save your holiday promo from eternal damnation.

From “Black” Friday, November 27 through December 30th, I’ll be available to help you get your holiday promo created. Here’s how this works:

• You tell me about that holiday thing you’re doing.
• I will evaluate your promo layout and tell you exactly where it needs some visual love (i.e.; where it sucks and how to fix it). You get an hour of my time.
• If you need it, I’ll source at least three stock images and show them to you. You pick one.
• I’ll send you a high resolution version in any formats and sizes you need.
• I’ll tweet about your promo.

You get my expertise, attention, guidance, and a high-quality image for $99.

No discount codes, no “the price goes up in January” stuff. Just this simple offer of help for your thing.

If you’re thinking, “Jeez. I can do this myself, I have Photoshop and it will be just fine,” then dammit, you’re absolutely right. Whip that sucker out and don’t sweat the details.

If you’re worried about whether or not your promo might visually suck, Uncle Pants is here for you.

I’ll be nice, but I won’t hold back. I’ll tell you exactly where your promo needs fixing. Don’t worry, I’ll make it fun and you’ll get professional help. You might even learn a trick or two about formatting graphics. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Click on this link to get started. Or ring a bell, but the link works every time.