Who’s runnin’ this joint? SF becomes an S-Corp. Hilarity ensues.

July 1st, 2009

Once upon a time, I knew what I was doing.

Last year, being in business as a freelance illustrator and animator was pretty easy. I had a name, a web site, and business cards. I even had an ultra-official, separate bank account under Sparky Firepants Images. Sweet! I was a high-roller.

Then I found out about paying estimated taxes. See, that’s one of those itty-bitty little details you have to go find out (i.e.; nobody tells you just ’cause you bought business cards).

See, if you fill out one of those handy W-4 forms for an employer, they figure all that stuff for you and your taxes are taken out automatically. If you’re self-employed, you’re required to pay quarterly estimated taxes on income. It’s not typically something everyone knows at birth or after graduating high school. As a friend who’s run a salon for a few years said when I mentioned this, “What do you mean, estimated taxes?”

Exactly.

But it was cool because I found out early and got myself all set up as a sole proprietor. I sent in my tax payments every quarter like a good boy and when February rolled around I did my taxes online and got a big fat refund. I overpaid by a lot, but it was better than the alternative.

All was well at Sparky Firepants HQ.

Then I started thinking. Damn it.

I was reading stuff about becoming a corporation. It sounded kind of fun, imagining Sparky Firepants Images, Inc. on letterhead. It was kind of like pretending to be a Corporate Tycoon as a kid. You never did that? Maybe I watched too many of those Disney movies with Alonzo Hawk in them. I was a strange child.

Besides imagining a large glass office building with assistants and a mini bar, I was reading and hearing lots of stuff about taxes, liability, and law suits. It seems there are some nice advantages to operating a business as a corporation. There’s too much to share here and this post is more about my wacky experiences than how to determine your own choice. But here’s a little summary. Don’t worry, Kids. My decision wasn’t based on a Sunday Night Movie or an About.com article.

Most self-employed people in my line of work choose the LLC option. My friend Libby Unwin of LU Graphics chose this. She may be smarter than me, because she’s probably creating art while I’m writing my Articles of Incorporation. It’s simpler but carries some of the same liability benefits.

Is there a Home Depot around here? I need to pick up some ByLaws.

I’ve always been a business do-it-yourselfer. I enjoy figuring out those businessy things that a lot of self-employed people loathe. At the same time, I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I started this project. Kind of like the guy who starts building a deck with a Time Life book, I ended up making multiple trips to the hardware store every time I needed a new tool.

There are lots of options for creating an S-Corp and just as many attorneys that would do it for me. There’s also LegalZoom, a web site that has all kinds of forms you can use so you don’t go to jail for skipping a step. Most of those services are kind of like insurance in that they’re based on fear. Great marketing, though. I was kind of afraid for a while there.

Before I bought a package or hired an attorney to file paperwork, I decided to check out the Oregon Secretary of State’s office to see what they had to say. Lo! Is that an online S-corp registration wizard? Why yes, it is.

I jumped in. Half an hour later, I had an S-Corp. Legally. And I only paid the State for registration. {INSERT CHAIR DANCE}

Apparently I wasn’t done. There are a few things I had to file with the IRS. Then there are some documents I had to prepare to keep my baby S-Corp official.

Thankfully, the IRS has joined us in this century. You can find just about any form and file it online. A little reading, a little searching, but it’s all there.

{INSERT CHAIR DANCE and SPIN}

But I just want to open a checking account.

At the same time I was doing all this, I was looking for a new bank. Apparently my old bank, Washington Mutual, is being digested by Chase. I was kind of okay with this until the day I went in to do some banking and they didn’t have my correct  information in their computer. “Isn’t that funny how computers screw up like that?” said the Chase lady.

No. Well, it’s not funny to me. Maybe that guy behind me in line chuckled while I was defecating in your lobby chair. I couldn’t say.

So I found a new bank and set up my brand-spankin’ new business accounts. It was all good, but apparently they need official stuff from my corporation, like Articles of Incorporation, Board Meeting minutes and ByLaws. Ummm, By—what?

This is where I realized that this thing was getting bigger than just me and my little art biz.

Here’s the thing. I’m just one dude. However, by changing my business structure, I’ve created this Frankenstein corporate entity that suddenly wants things like meetings, a board of directors, share certificates, ByLaws, and employees.

So now instead of being just a dude with an art business, I’m an employee of Sparky Firepants Images, Inc. Turns out I’m like that guy in the rural town that’s the Sheriff, Judge, County Clerk, and Saloon Keeper.

I have to obey laws and be accountable to government agencies and financial institutions.

Damn.

I used to talk about how being an independent business dude was so killer. I started to wonder if I was so independent anymore.

Once again, I bypassed the Getting an Attorney line and put on my research hat. What I found was a whole lot of advice and help on writing ByLaws and creating your S-Corp structure. I even found templates online for writing my annual meeting minutes.

Once I got through all that, I realized that yes, this is more paperwork and learnin’ than I bargained for but I actually felt really good about it. It’s funny, but in a way I really am playing Corporate Tycoon here. So I have to keep records of Annual Board Meeting Minutes, but guess who the Board consists of?

It’s me. Right here. I’m the Chairman, Director, Treasurer, Vice Director, and sole employee. Jenni is the secretary because legally it has to be somebody else, but since she’s in the other room and all I didn’t have to wait long to start the meeting.

I was feeling all proud and smart when the bank called. They needed an actual copy of my Articles of Incorporation, not the piece of paper I gave them.

Panic. What does that even mean?

I called the Secretary of State’s office. The extremely nice guy on the phone told me that I had given them the only thing that I could have.

You mean I don’t have to get something else from you?

Where did you get the form you gave them?

I downloaded it from the Secretary of State web site.

(chuckle) Well, I could send you a copy from here, but it’s $5.00 and exactly the same thing you printed at home.

Seriously?

Yep. You can have your bank call me and I’ll verify it.

{INSERT CHAIR DANCE and STRIP-TEASE}

There you have it. I discovered that sometimes things are just correct even when someone in a big financial institution says they’re not. In other words, I was okay. I wasn’t failing as a corporation and going to jail.

Can I have a raise?

So I’ve established that I like doing pretty much everything by myself without any help at all, so leave me alone and get out. Control freak. Right here.

The one area I was willing to hand over control was in my payroll and taxes. Paying estimated taxes every quarter is like tinker toys compared to S-Corp payroll taxes. Yow.

See, now that this corporation has employees (me), it has to pay them (me). That’s also how I pay taxes now. I don’t pay tax on revenue, I pay tax on my salary as an employee, which means filing a W-4 and all kinds of other tax docs that I don’t even know how to explain right now because, I, well…

…I hired someone else to do it.

I found a local CPA firm and handed over my stuff. They fill out all the paperwork, file my payroll tax docs, and send me reports on everything. Driving away the day I set that up was a humongous relief. All I have to do is send them an e-mail every month with my payroll amounts and they do the rest.

Oh, and I have to write myself a check. That part is like playing Corporate Tycoon again, because I now have this Big Boy check set from my new bank.

Stuff I didn’t consider until it happened

Let’s just say that filing my taxes this year are going to be more complicated. I started getting checks and online payments from projects and products that I sold outside of Sparky Firepants Images, Inc. As in, I filled out a W-4 or W-9 and got paid as an individual. As in, what the hell do I do with this check?

Apparently I now have to start thinking about where the money that comes in should go. Every time. As in, not automatically deposited into my personal checking account because it’s just mine.

The other things that came up this morning in the shower was that I was brainstorming stuff about my new e-book cover design service and realized that it’s totally different from before.

Last year, I would have just set up a web site and collected fees without thinking about where it would go.

Now I have to think about stuff like, does this fall under Sparky Firepants somehow or do I need to set up a new business structure? And, do I have to pay estimated taxes on that income separately from my salary?

Ahh, last year. So simple. So easy.

{CHAIR SPINS TO A HALT}

And this is hilarious how?

Well, it is. When I stand back and look at all this corporate structure stuff, it looks like a lot of silliness. I mean seriously. It’s like living on a Vogon ship.

Standing in the middle of this ridiculous Corporate Tycoon playset, is me. I’m still just one dude.

I’m gonna go make some art now. My boss is yelling at me because I’m always blogging. He’s kind of a dick.

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I quit! Octavia Butler, Jim Henson, and Pam Slim invade my head.

June 27th, 2009

Octavia Butler.

Do you know her? She was a gifted science fiction writer. In sci-fi circles Octavia Butler is well-known for her feminist science fiction novels, but you may not have heard of her unless you’re into that. Jenni is a huge fan and introduced me to her work.

Butler, according to this wikipedia article, described herself as “comfortably asocial—a hermit in the middle of Seattle—a pessimist if I’m not careful, a feminist, a Black, a former Baptist, an oil-and-water combination of ambition, laziness, insecurity, certainty, and drive.”

We were in Seattle this past week (falling in love with yet another city) and spent huge chunks of our time at the Science Fiction Hall of Fame and Experience Music Project. We’re all sci-fi and music geeks in our family. Apparently Paul Allen is, too, because he founded the museum and owns most of the exhibits. It’s too awesome to review here. If you’re in Seattle, take a day and explore that place.

One of the best uses of video and flat screen tech is in museums. The ability to archive interviews and call them up whenever you want is a bit of science fiction itself. I used to study Spielberg’s TV work this way in New York. Better than a lecture any day.

So in the museum there’s a video interview with Octavia Butler. Is she talking about how to write sci-fi? No. Is she talking about feminism in modern literature? Nope. Is she discussing the merits of handwritten versus typewritten manuscripts? Negative.

She talked about her decision to leave her full-time job and just decide to be a writer. This caught my attention right away.

Butler was living in Los Angeles and had published three novels, which were fairly popular and selling well. However, she was working as a temp in the laundry of a hotel to pay her rent. Her boss had just asked her to stay on permanently and she was considering it. Who knew how her writing career would go, anyway?

At the same time, she attended a sci-fi convention in Phoenix. She went away struck by the massive popularity of modern sci-fi novels (including her own). She knew she was in her right world there.

She turned down the laundry promotion. In fact, she quit altogether.

She decided that she was going to be a Writer. That was it, a moment of clarity in Phoenix and she knew what she needed to be doing. She did it.

Now, her books weren’t suddenly making her a fortune simply from her wishing it, so she had to do other things to earn a living. She started speaking and conducting workshops. She also started living very frugally and lived that way until her death in Seattle in 2006.

I took away a lot from this interview.

The first misconception that I (and I think a lot of people) make is that best-selling writers are wealthy. Some are, but not most. Just having a book or two on the shelf doesn’t suddenly afford you a Malibu beach house.

The other major concept I glommed onto wasn’t really new to me, but it helped cement a belief I have about life and work. It also came out of the amazing Jim Henson exhibit at the same museum. Henson has been one of my heroes since childhood. A microscopic look at his early work (pre-Muppets) paired with the Octavia Butler interview solidified some thoughts I’ve been having this year about my own work.

Doing the thing you love isn’t always enough. Doing other things to pay your bills isn’t always fulfilling. Combine the two and you’ve got a way to keep doing what you love for a very long time.

Octavia Butler quit her job because she decided she was going to be a Writer, once and for all. She knew what it meant for her (a frugal existence), but it was so important she couldn’t do it any other way.

Does that mean you should quit your job tomorrow? I don’t know. Only you can say. Or Pam Slim might have a few thoughts on that. She knows a thing or two about it.

The answer for me is that quitting my job was the best thing I ever did. I’m not rich, I don’t know Bill Gates, my credit cards are being paid down very slowly, and my family lives very frugally.

However, the opportunities that quitting my job has opened up have been amazing. Also, the fact that I don’t have the fallback of a regular paycheck has pushed me to do things I wouldn’t have done otherwise.

I’ve found that I’ve had to be more creative about finding ways to earn money (and look closer at spending it). Then again, I have this amazing freedom to accept opportunities to earn the money.

I often think about my decision to leave a really, really good job to be independent. It’s been almost two years. As much as I think about it, I haven’t regretted it.

It’s so important, I can’t think of doing it any other way.

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Sparky Firepants’ Hot Dog Stand

June 24th, 2009

IMG_0567.JPG
This sign was taped to the window of a (former) hot dog stand on the waterfront in Seattle.

“No dogs for you. Out of business.”

Cute, but sad to see.

It also piqued my curiosity because it seemed to have lots of good stuff going for it. It was in an excellent location by the ferry terminal. Tourists flocking to the area, no other quick hot dog place within a half mile, and next to a coffee shop and a smoothy joint. Something for everyone in the typical family-type group.

So I’m thinking about possible overhead, signage, a guy in a hot dog costume dancing on the corner, and I can’t figure out what would force a place like that out of business.

So I asked the girl at the coffee shop next door. Apparently it was bad employees and drug trafficking issues.

Yeah, that would do it, I guess.

But it got me thinking about my own business and how I don’t have bad employees, no drug trafficking (except maybe caffiene), and my location isn’t really a big factor in my potential success.

I like thinking in the simplest terms like this, even in the art and animation business.

Essentially, I need a grill, some buns, dogs, a few beverages, great service, clear signage, and maybe a guy in a dog suit.

Grill = MacBook
Buns/dogs = yummy concepts and artwork
Beverages = providing extra format options
Great service = great service
Clear signage = clear web site and promo cards
Guy in a dog suit = me, being my own weird self

With all those things in place, the only thing I really need to be concerned about is thinking about how to keep making better dogs or offering new things that people will love but not think of asking for.

Sounds like fun.

Time to go put on my dog suit.

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The D Word and my secret revealed!

June 23rd, 2009

It was 1987. I was failing Algebra and Geometry and taking Junior English again. My high school guidance counselor told me that I should probably look for work in civil service, working for the government.

It’s ironic considering that I’ve always loved to learn new things. I’m a voracious reader. I get lost in libraries because I impulsively snatch up a book on something like Animal Husbandry, then look around after Chapter 3 wondering where the time went.

So why was I failing in school? I knew the answer at 17: boredom. High school was boring. It was sitting in rooms all day, listening to a bored adult. Yawn.

After I barely squeaked past graduation (thanks to jazz band and weight training), I did what every other kid like me was doing. I enrolled in community college, worked at the mall and spent weekends getting drunk in the desert.

When I finally decided that I should do something with my art, the natural thing to do was find an art school. School is good, right?  At least at an art school I would be in a room all day doing something I was interested in.

I applied and got accepted to a very old commercial art and advertising school in Chicago. I had never taken a real art class before, so I had no idea what to expect. It was pretty cool, but unfortunately too expensive to continue past the first semester. Oops.

What’s a lost and discouraged 19-year old to do? Yep.

I joined the Air Force.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to bore with every detail of my life from 1990 to present. You’re welcome.

However, I’d like to share with you some of the things I’ve experienced and accomplished in the years between discouraged drop-out and Sparky Firepants Illustrator to the Stars. A few things:

  • Flew 300 feet off the desert floor in a C-141 cargo plane, pushing stuff out the back
  • Visited the Arctic Circle via the Norwegian Sea
  • Honeymooned in Europe for two years
  • Hung out with Mel Gibson on a movie set (and appeared in the film)
  • Traveled across the U.S. (and back) a few times
  • Helped develop and create an Emmy-winning TV show
  • Created animation and graphics demonstrating complex molecular functions and presented to a judge to educate him on the process so he could make a ruling
  • Homeschool my kids (well, I help)
  • Pitched to a Hollywood producer (and got invited back to pitch more)
  • Lived in NYC, Los Angeles, DC, Portland, and Chicago (by choice, of course)
  • Demonstrated my 2D animation techniques to a guild of motion graphics pros
  • Introduced my kids to France (hello, France!)
  • Wrote, illustrated, and published a book
  • Started an online school to teach my digital illustration methods

So there’s been a few things I done did. And that’s not everything, just the bigger stuff. My point is not to boast. In fact, most of the things on the list aren’t remarkable all by themselves. It’s the cumulative experience that required the ability (and desire) to learn new things and be interested in being educated.

Now here’s my secret, kids. I don’t have a degree of any kind. I never did finish college.

I just did stuff.

I’m not down on college or formal education at all. It’s great. It just wasn’t the thing I needed to get my stuff done, you know?

Please don’t tell my guidance counselor. Unless he plays the lottery, then somebody should definitely clue him in on his rotten gambling luck.

This came up in conversation last week and it’s been on my mind since. I think that to do anything of consequence, to accomplish anything at all, it’s more important to be open to experiencing new (yes, sometimes scary and weird) things than just completing formal education (unless you’re my surgeon).

If you get through college and get a degree so you can get a better job, I say “so what?”

You won’t change the world simply by earning a piece of paper in a room in Princeton, NJ. Now, if you happen to earn a degree in Princeton, NJ (or anywhere), that’s awesome. Good on ya. But I say that just means you should do more than those other people who don’t have degrees.

Don’t coast through a job on your papers. Don’t just stay below the radar and collect your fat check.

Do something amazing. Do something new, something that challenges you or the world. Be better than you would have without the degree.

I recently got some feedback on an animation piece I’ve been working on. The feedback was (unfortunately) dead on and it was simply, “Thanks for sending this. We need MORE.”

Man, that gets your heart racing. Sometimes you need someone else to kick you in the ass and say, “More!”

So give them more. Because if you do a bunch of stuff, even if it’s cool stuff, you owe it to the world to increasingly give more than you gave the last time.

Love what you’re doing. Celebrate success. Then figure out how to make it “more.”

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Is the Contract Monster killing your freelance career?

June 19th, 2009

I was having a conversation recently with my online pal and master cartoonist George Coghill. We were talking (well, e-mail, but you get the point) about contracts and all that wacky fun of negotiating stuff so you can just get to work already.

I think every freelancer goes through contract angst at some point, as both George and I certainly have. Sometimes a project comes your way sounding like just the thing you need and Bam! There’s something weird about the terms.

Maybe it’s not weird enough to make you say no immediately, but it’s just enough to clog up your usual routine of estimating cost because you have to, well, dare I say it?

Think.

Damn. And on a Monday, too.

Contracts suck. How does anyone get anything done like this? Can’t we just shake hands and say I’ll give you some art and you’ll give me some money and it will be like a day at Disneyland? Can’t we?

I’m going to tell you a deep dark secret, but do not repeat this anywhere. Promise? Okay. Here goes:

There are some unethical people in the world.

You did NOT hear that from me. I’ll deny it.

So that, kids, is why we have contracts. They still suck, but we know there are reasons for their existence (unlike reality TV or olive pits).

So you’re all psyched that you got a bite on your lil’ fishin’ pole, but then you find issues in the contract that just don’t sound cool when you read them a second time. They can be things like:

  • Handing over all rights and source files for everything you create on the project.
  • Non-compete clauses that prevent you from working with an agency’s clients without their involvement… ever.
  • Work-for-Hire contracts that (again) ask you to hand over your original art when you’re done.
  • Setting an hourly rate and logging your time every day.

Funny thing is, these aren’t problems for everyone. That’s where the trouble lies, isn’t it? One web site says Work-for-Hire is the devil’s playground, but your artist friend does it all the time. Orphan Works bill confusion suddenly injected fear into your happy little world. With so many artists disagreeing about rights, rates, and working conditions, how are you supposed to decipher this damn contract and just get some money coming in?

Especially when you’re just starting out, the Contract Monster gets fat and happy on all this conflict, confusion, and fear.

So how can you know which contracts or project terms are okey dokey and which ones are written in brimstone? Well, here are two ways:

Hire a lawyer

Sure, do it. A good lawyer will help you decipher those 20-pagers and translate the legalese into stuff you understand. That’s what they’re for. You have to pay them, of course. Then, if you don’t like what it says, what do you do? You could pay the lawyer to reconstruct it and negotiate for you, but can you afford to do that every time you see something you’re not sure about? If you’re like me… nope.

Use your noggin… or share one with a friend

I’ll bet my WACOM tablet that you can use your thinkin’ abilities to figure this mess out. I know you can, because I do it all the time and I do really stupid things like update my Wordpress blog without backing it up first. If I can untangle this, so can you.

Deciding whether or not you should sign on the dotted line and pursue a project is a matter of asking some questions that, frankly, only you can answer. Here are some of the things I rattle around in my head (there’s plenty of room) when I’m faced with the strange sensation of the Contract Monster lurking in the shadows:

What do I need here, right now?

Am I making the rate I set for myself?

Do I love this project, does it sound like fun?

Who are these people, are they going to be good to work with or a pain in the ass?

Am I confident enough in my work and my market research that I can just bid this and let it go if necessary?

Am I going to use these images for something in the future?

Will I enjoy punching a clock every day?

This is where I start. You’ll notice that a lawyer cannot possibly answer these questions for you. However, a friend can at least play devil’s advocate and help you get to your answers, because they know you. And they’re cheap.

There are things that come up in contracts even now that make me pause a while and think really hard about what I should do, but if I go through those questions and stay true to myself, I always get it figured out.

I have a very unconventional approach to this. A lot of seasoned freelancers, especially artists, may think that I border on naive or phenomenally stupid. That’s okay. You have to do what works for you, or suddenly it’s somebody else’s career. In my career, I’ve definitely made some stupid decisions, but after learning from them, this is what I do. It works. I make money, I feel good about the rights to my work, and I know that if I have to say “no” it’s because I made a decision based on my own values.

Seth Godin has a great piece about what’s off the table. You should read it.

When you get down to it, it’s really about protection and security. We’re worried about that Contract Monster, because he has the potential to steal our work. We might give the monster the power to take away our future clients. The monster could be tracking our every move when we just want to work the project the way we think is best.

You can’t ignore these issues, especially when it comes to the rights to your art. It’s important. Don’t just give away your hard work because you need some cash. However, you also can’t put one cozy copyright safety blanket over all projects, because they’re not all the same. 

Another fear is that if you don’t jump on this deal, another artist will take your spot and make money. Oh, it’s there. I have it. The cool thing is that if I ask myself those questions, I’ll soon know whether or not I care about “losing my spot.”

I am, by nature, a risk-taker. I’m that kid in high school that ate the food out of the trash just to see if I would get some terminal disease. Yep, that was me. Nope, I never did.

Now that I’m all grown up and not afraid of trash food, I take other risks just to see what will happen. I’ve taken on work-for-hire projects that paid industry scale just to see how it felt to do it. It was actually pretty fun and I got more of the same work, so sue me, I will keep doing that if the project looks good.

I’ve also worked with an agency on a non-compete clause to see how that felt. As it turned out, a client wanted to work with me outside of the agency. No deal. So, we both have to wait a year for the non-compete to run out. Lesson learned, but now I have a client who is waiting to work with me. Bonus.

When you realize that you’re not gonna die from eating food out of the trash, you start looking at life choices as little experiments. What happens if we move to Africa? What if I take that project without a deposit? Where are the boundaries?

There is a lot of risk involved in business. How secure can you be? How concerned are you with getting what you were promised? What’s your threshold for pain?

I can’t believe I’ve written this much and haven’t quoted the Mahatma.

No big or swift movement can be carried on without bold risks and life will not be worth living if it is not attended with large risks. Does not the history of the world show that there would have been no romance in life if there had been no risks?

There you have it. M.K. Gandhi, Contract Monster resister.

When you’re faced with a funky contract clause, get someone to look at it with you. Excellent idea, my friend, I’m glad you thought of it. Just realize that there’s only one person who can ultimately decide whether to sign and that’s you. If you ask yourself a bunch of hard questions and you feel funky, let it go. There will be more if you don’t let it stop you from pursuing anything again.

One lost project does not a career make.

The Contract Monster can serve a purpose, so don’t banish him completely. Just don’t let him hold you up.

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The art job interview: because being on time is the easy part.

June 11th, 2009

How to Get and Keep Illustration and Design Jobs: The Art Job Interview

In my continuing mission to turn every artist into a working artist who eats whatever they want (not just dry packaged noodles), I’ll be posting a series on getting work. Whether that means FT employment or complete independence, I’ll cover it. I’ll probably get some of my talented working friends to help me out. You’ll enjoy them. They’re nice.

I’m going to cover getting freelance gigs in a later post. First things first. But don’t skip this post just to get to the good stuff later, you starving freelancer, you. Some of the stuff in this post will apply.

Besides, the best thing to do if you’re going to build a freelance career is work a real job. I’ll cover that, too, but you heard it here first.

Here are my time-tested tips (if you’ll pardon the expression), from the point of view of your interviewer. You may as well get to understand that person now, before you walk in with cream cheese on your collar.

Be on Time

Wait. What the hell? Do I really have to cover this? Aren’t there a bazillion articles and blogs that talk about the importance of being on time for your interview?

I mean, duh.

If you have trouble being on time for something that means so much, then bulleted tips about setting two alarm clocks isn’t really going to help you, is it?

So I don’t waste your time (how thoughtful of me), I’d like to cover the other stuff. The stuff about interviewing that your interviewer noticed and thought about but didn’t tell you because he was trying to figure out how to politely get you out the door without betraying the fact that he thought you were a horrible candidate.

The Other Stuff

Don’t be too early

As weird as it sounds, your mother’s advice about being ten minutes early for the interview was pretty good. It’s good because you can fill out all the paperwork before you sit down with your interviewer. You can also pretend to be nice to the receptionist and win points there. Because HR is gonna ask her when you’re gone. Trust me. You could actually be really truly nice, but if you were going to be really truly nice then I didn’t have to tell you that anyway. Yay you. Besides, the receptionist can tell when you’re faking nice.

Now that I’ve said all that… don’t be too early, okay?

I once had a guy show up for an interview an hour and a half early. Yep. Apparently he thought we could “get it out of the way” earlier because he had to go pick up his sister. In jail.

After I told him that the best thing to do was either come back at his interview time or reschedule, he proceeded to check in every fifteen minutes to see if it was a better time. I had to keep walking by him to get stuff from the receptionist and he would flag me down like I was a taxi. 

Don’t tell the interviewer you have to pick up your sister in jail

You see, like it or not,  your interviewer is forming an opinion about you personally. No matter what the employee handbook or federal guidelines say, when you say you have to be quick because your sister is in jail that’s all we’re thinking about now.

As crazy as it sounds, when you let loose with some personal information that isn’t necessary, you’ve just classified yourself. You’re no longer the Dude with the Killer Portfolio, you’re Jail Dude. When you leave, Jail Dude is how we will refer to you. You won’t be hired, because we’re too uncomfortable working with Jail Dude. All of us.

Here are other people I’ve interviewed and did not hire because of the ewww factor:

  • Descriptive Irritable Bowel Syndrome Girl
  • My Mother is Waiting in the Car Guy
  • My Divorce Can’t be Final Soon Enough Lady
  • Ms. I Forgot to Wear Deodorant Today Isn’t that Funny

You know how people tell you to just be yourself in interviews and you’ll do fine? Okay, but try and be sort of 85% yourself and 15% mystery.

The people who feel comfortable bringing up jail with someone they’ve just met and are trying to get something from always have some other issue that comes up in the interview that keeps them from the job. Always. Whether it’s “I don’t really know the computer that well,” or “I need every Wednesday and Thursday off to meet with my anger management counselor,” it comes up.

Things like, “You’re from Rhode Island? My sister went to school there, she says it’s nice,” or “I don’t like cherries, but I can draw them,” are perfectly lovely personal statements to make. You should be personable, human, friendly. Just don’t forget to turn the ewww filter on before you leave home.

My name is Zgnon-5. I am a robot. My serial number is…

Speaking of which, you really have to engage your interviewer. Please. Bring us some conversation, something from the outside world that doesn’t involve careerbuilder.com or a portfolio site. After ten interviews today, we are starved for real human interaction.

Don’t just answer the questions and wait for the next system command. Expand on the topic, let us know you can think. For cryin’ out loud, make a friggin’ joke already (ummm, just not about jail or your bowels).

How many sick days do I get?

This is a perfectly legitimate question… when posed at the right time (like when we’re talking about that kind of thing).

I had a candidate open with this. Our hands had barely separated and this thing flopped out of his mouth, this question about how he would be compensated for being sick. The interview was done before it started.

A better way to find this out (because you have a right to know that kind of stuff) is to wait until the interviewer asks you if you have any questions. Then you can pose a questions like, “Can you tell me about your vacation day and sick day policies?”

If you do it the other way, you might as well just say, “I plan to be sick a lot. How far can I push it before you fire me?” At least be honest.

This one I did in 2nd Grade, but I just keep it in here because my mom likes it

No you did not. You did not just show me your art school group project that didn’t get finished because Carl had a bad attitude and that’s why it’s all messed up. You didn’t just tell me that it would have been better if Carl wasn’t such a dickhead. You didn’t just make me stare at it for ten minutes while you spoke poorly on Carl’s character.

Oops, you did.

See, I don’t think Carl is a dickhead. I don’t know Carl. I know my current employees, and I know that if I hire you, you’ll throw them under the bus like you just did to Carl when something doesn’t go right in your world. End of interview.

The other thing? I do not want to see stuff in your portfolio that you have to make excuses for. If you have to explain away the crap, it shouldn’t be there. It would be better to show five pieces that you can only think of as awesome than twelve pieces that pad your book with Freshman year garbage.

That said, be prepared for an interviewer to say something like, “Tell me how this piece could be improved.” Be prepared, because as an artist, I know that your first instinct is to say, “It can’t, Asshole. It’s perfect and if you don’t see that then you’re an idiot (but I’ll work here anyway).”

Make some shit up. I’m not really thinking it needs changing, I just want to hear how you handle feedback. Okay?

Habernathy’s Graphic Design Corporation

Hey, Ms. Habernathy, is that a little gap in employment there? Let’s go ahead and fill that with some of this putty I call My Own Bloated Pretend Company.

On your resume, it looks something like this:

Habernathy’s Global Graphic Design Corporation, President and Lead Design Art Director/Operations Manager, 1994-present

In this demanding role, I utilized all my talents as an entrepreneur and Art Director to create Graphic Design for clients like MoGo’s Pizza, Good Faith Youth Group, Habernathy’s LogoWorks, Habernathy’s Web Site Company, and Habernathy’s Sign Development Corporation. Since 1994 I’ve serviced clients with the utmost attention to detail, even creating flyers for free as a non-profit donation for causes I believe in and happen to be a part of because my dad is the chairman of the board and makes me go with him every Saturday so I can carry donuts. I also botched my own web site design, but you’ll forgive me because it’s really the graphics you’re supposed to look at and what? that didn’t load right? sorry, i’ll fix that and send it to you again as soon as i finish this racing logo for my boyfriend’s chevy lumina…

You do realize that HR sees through the gap-fill, right? Well. We do. We know you’re not a corporate tycoon with a global presence. How do we know? Well, you’re here, looking for a job as an entry-level graphic designer.

It sucks to have gaps in your resume. It happens. Layoffs happen, you’re not happy and leave your old firm, you stop working at Joey’s Pizza so you can actually find a design job. We get that stuff. Just say it.

If you try to make yourself look bigger than you are or plug holes in your resume, you’re going to look foolish. I’ve hired artists with barely any experience, just out of school, because I liked a few things about them:

  • Honesty
  • Attitude
  • Personality
  • Energy
  • Willingness to admit they don’t know everything already and want to learn

If the firm you want to get hired at is looking for someone with skills above your level, here’s what you do. Submit your resume anyway (WITHOUT gap-filling) and include a cover letter that simply states that you would like to be considered for an entry-level role when it comes up. Then let it go. You may not get a call, but if you do you’ll interview knowing that they’re giving you a shot without the puffery. So much easier to start out that way than on a pretense.

And don’t say “utilize.” Just say “use.”

I don’t do spec work. Is this some kind of test?

Good! Just say no to spec work. Ugh. Hate. It.

However, some firms give a little design test to make sure you’ve got skills. Don’t be offended, your portfolio is lovely and that’s why you’re still here. But we’re not just testing your key-command acumen. We’re putting you in a position where you have to create something, take direction, and do it in a timely manner while your’re surrounded by other artists in a fast-paced environment. Can you hack it if we hire you? is what we want to know.

If you get offered a skills test, it’s likely not client work. If a company gives a job candidate real client work to get some free design, it’s not a place you want to work. Run away. A design firm that would risk actual client work on a potential new hire is very scary.

So go ahead and ask the question, politely. Every studio I’ve worked for has some form of a test and it was never “real” work. Once that’s out of the way, just take the damn test. Put your foolish pride aside and remember that no matter how fast or great you can whip that thing out, it’s not just about your skills. It’s about playing nice with the other kids.

Don’t be that girl that got angry, said I was doing something illegal and demanded to know if the AIGA knew about our test. Do you mean the test you just failed by yelling at me in the interview? No, they don’t know about it. Um, here’s your portfolio. Yes, the interview is over, I think that’s all we need to know. Thank you for coming.

After one round of tests, one artist had slightly better skills than the other. Sadly, the one with better skills kept making negative comments to the other artists during the test. We hired the nicer one and trained her to make better graphics. That was easier than training her to be nice.

Be Easy

That’s it. Be easy. Make it easy to hire you. The people that are interviewing you sometimes have other jobs besides hiring new artists. They may be thinking about their own job and how if they make another bad hiring decision they’ll be on the other side of the table. They may be thinking about how they have to stay late because after this interview they have a design meeting.

Help the interviewer by making it easy for them to go to their boss and say, “That’s the one, right there. no question. We need that person on our team.” Don’t be overly demanding, don’t have an expired work visa, don’t talk badly about your last employer, don’t leer at the receptionist and ask me if I’ve seen her legs.

Help me get to sleep tonight. Please.

Last but not least

It’s killing me, but I feel like I have to say this. Be on time. If you need tips on how to be on time, go to careerbuilder.com. Don’t tell them I sent you.

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Are you in or out?

June 9th, 2009

How to Get and Keep Illustration and Design Jobs: Post Number Two

In my continuing mission to turn every artist into a working artist who eats whatever they want (not just dry packaged noodles), I’ll be posting a series on getting work. Whether that means FT employment or complete independence, I’ll cover it. I’ll probably get some of my talented working friends to help me out. You’ll enjoy them. They’re nice.

Are you in or out?

You know how in the movies the ultra cool, fast-talking, just-got-out-of-prison-but-still-scheming character briefs his circle of ne’er-do-well cronies on his really hot plan to rob the vatican of all its earthly treasures? At the end of his ultra cool briefing, he turns to his pals and says, “Are you in or out?”

We all know that once they say they’re in, we’re going to see them do whatever the hell they need to do to get ‘er done.

Gandhi was like that ultra cool dude.

Okay, what?

Yep, Gandhi.

No, he didn’t plot to rob the vatican (that we know of. it’s just an assumption). However, he wrote about this very idea from jail in 1930:

“Taking vows is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. To do at any cost something that one ought to do constitutes a vow. It becomes the bulwark of strength. A man who says that he will do something ‘as far as possible’, betrays either his pride or his weakness. I have noticed in my own case, as well as in the case of others, the the limitation ‘as far as possible’ provides a fatal loophole.

To do something ‘as far as possible’ is to succumb to the very first temptation. There is no sense in saying that one would observe the truth ‘as far as possible’. Even as no businessman will look at a note in which a man promises to pay a certain amount on a certain date ‘as far as possible’, so will God refuse to accept a promissory note drawn by a man, who will observe the truth as far as possible.”

So you’ve decided that you want to pursue your dream of  freelance illustration. Or maybe you’ve chosen a path to go after the best design firm on the planet and succeed there.

Are you in or out? Are going to go “as far as possible” or are you going to actually get there?

You know, I could blog all day about how I understand how tough it is for you. You’ve got kids, you have no money, your husband/wife took a permanent vacation in la la land, you live with your ‘rents, you’re on disability, blah blah blah blah blah.

I do understand it. I’ve been there. No job, new baby, credit card bills to scare a GM exec, and no way in hell I could see how I was supposed to pursue this art thing when all I want to do is avoid living on the street.

Don’t think I don’t know what that’s about. My wife sure does.

There is absolutely no point in reading this blog any further if you’re “kinda thinking you might want to do something with your art someday.”

There is no someday. Someday is today.

Are you in or out? Are you with me? Are we speaking the same language?

If so, then here’s the truth. Building a freelance art business or getting into the firm of your dreams is really, really hard. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes even when you’ve had some success you want to curl up beneath a piece of furniture and hide. Meeting new people is scary. Interviewing ties you up in wet sailor knots. Trying to pay your bills with the scant fees you made last month is a nightmare. Trying to get paid when your clients are late and you want to strangle them but you know it’s best to maintain the relationship keeps you awake at night. When your kids get sick and you don’t know how sick yet but you don’t have a health insurance plan, you start wondering if you should have taken that office job after all.

That’s what this “trying to do something with your art” thing is about.

I’m a nice guy. I care about you. I have tons of empathy for your situation, I really do.

But I can’t teach you a damn thing if you’re going to start out thinking that it’s going to be easy or quick.

I recently did an illustration for Highlights High Five magazine. It didn’t just land in my lap one day, although it seemed like it did. The truth is, I pursued that gig for over a year. It was hard. I even flew to NYC and Los Angeles for conferences to meet with people who would help me figure out how to get it (and more like it). That was expensive. And hard.

I hear from artists all the time say things like, “Well, I’ll start really working on my marketing after I get some clients.”

It doesn’t work that way. Are you in or are you out?

There’s no, “Now I’ve made it so I can just chill and just create my quirky art on my Malibu deck.” It never ends.

Even if you aren’t going freelance, it never ends. So you get your dream job, then what? Do you just coast from then on?

Hey, I get it. You get the gig, you land the job, you want to go out to dinner and celebrate. Mazeltov! Do it. Bask for a bit. Pat yourself on the back.

But don’t coast. Show up, every day. Be in it.

I love what I do, that’s true. It’s fun coming up with concepts and designing characters and tweaking layouts. It’s exactly what I thought it would be.

But there are days where I pull up to my drawing table and look down at my tracing paper and moan. Ugh. Not this. Again. Do I hafta?

I won’t lie, that feeling surfaces from time to time. That’s being human.

There’s a difference between momentary ugh-ness and acting as if it should be easy.

So are you in or out?

Because we are robbing the Vatican tomorrow. Gandhi’s our point man. Don’t be late.

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What the hell do you want, anyway?

June 1st, 2009

How to Get and Keep Illustration and Design Jobs: Post Numero Uno

In my continuing mission to turn every artist into a working artist who eats whatever they want (not just dry packaged noodles), I’ll be posting a series on getting work. Whether that means FT employment or complete independence, I’ll cover it. I’ll probably get some of my talented working friends to help me out. You’ll enjoy them. They’re nice.

Take this job search and shove it.

I’m not about to go all The Secret on you (please). But think about this; those things you really, really want most? You’re much more likely to get them if you:

  1. Know what the hell they are
  2.  Think about them more often

See? I didn’t even need a whole DVD to cover that theory.

The first step in getting art jobs, surprisingly, is not logging onto careerbuilder and sifting through tons of job postings. It took me a while to figure that one out, because years ago that was strategy #1. Do I even have to tell you how frustrating and demoralizing that process was? It was. It was depressing and sad.

In an ironic Douglas Adams-like twist, I spent the last two years of my corporate life sifting through careerbuilder.com looking for graphic design candidates. Equally as frustrating and non-fruit-bearing, that experience was. It was Volgon work, for sure.

The first step in finding art jobs and freelance art gigs is deciding what the hell kind of art you want to do in the first place.

It sounds simple, but it’s not. There are days where I’m still trying to figure that one out. It’s an ongoing process, like deciding if I really like grapefruit or not.

If you don’t know what you’re looking for, how will you find it?

If you hate sitting in a production cubicle with an art director telling you what you’ll be creating every day, then why are you looking at those Graphic Design jobs? Is it about the money?

Okay, I get the money thing. I’ve taken jobs for the money because my thinking was, “I can do this for a while and not care too much and it won’t drive me insane.” There’s a flaw in that thinking, but it’s not where you would expect it to be.

The flaw isn’t in taking on a job to make money so you don’t starve. That’s probably a good idea. Develop that. Keep eating and living inside instead of outside.

It’s not the job thing or the not caring too much about the work thing. It’s about taking something that you love doing and turning it into a j-o-b. It will start to wear on you after a while and it feels ultra crappy to make that commute into the office to beat yourself over the head by creating art you don’t enjoy.

If you’re going to find a full-time Graphic Design job, take your time. Be choosy. Make it about finding a place you would love to work rather than a place you have to work. Shoot for the best Graphic Design firm you can find and keep working at getting in.

It would be better to start as a receptionist at the Graphic Design firm of your dreams than to slave over graphics at a sweatshop firm just because you can get it easier. You can work your way into a Design position at the firm you love, but you’ll probably always hate the sweatshop, even if you become an art director.

But what if the very idea of working in a production environment repulses you?

Log off careerbuilder. Right now. I know you have it open in another tab, so go  ahead. I’ll wait.

Here’s what you do. Find a job doing something that you kind of enjoy that will pay you enough to keep you alive long enough to get some gigs happening. Do you like hanging out in coffee shops? So go work at one and pay your rent.

The only thing you have to be careful about here is getting stuck. Once you have a few gigs going, keep it alive. Make it bigger. Expand enough so that you’re just slightly uncomfortable with how busy you are between the coffee shop and your illustration clients.

At some point, you will have to go back to simply being a customer at the coffee shop. But it’s going to hurt a little bit while you straddle the two.

I got stuck a long time ago because I was afraid of the temporary pain. It turns out that it didn’t actually hurt as much as I though it would. It was still kind of scary, but letting go of the search for those soul-sucking design and animation jobs was freedom. My load was lighter.

Deciding what you want is the real first step. Take some time to think about it. It’s not like it’s going to take five minutes, so don’t go back and log onto careerbuilder when it doesn’t come to you in a flash.

Let yourself be a little scared at what you really want. If you’re kind of uncomfortable about it because it sounds slightly impossible, then that’s probably the thing you should do.

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I’m so excited, I just peed Pixels.

May 30th, 2009

Grandma Kernik: Davey, honey? Are you up? School will be starting soon.

Grandma Dolores: Well, David. Would you like some cold cereal?

Grandma Kernik: I don’t understand. How is that a school on your computer? You kids.

Me: It’s an online school, Grandma. You don’t even have to leave the house.

Grandma Kernik: Well, I wouldn’t go out in this old thing anyway.

School’s in for Summer

If you can’t tell from my typing, I’m waiting for video to compress and upload. Even as I enter the home stretch on the Sparky Firepants Digital Illustration School launch and still intensely fascinated by how awesome it’s turning out to be, I’ve got more fantastic ideas ready to hit the page. As soon as I wrap up the launch, I’ll be moving right into more very exciting and cool things.

Before I go into that, I need to let you know about a special offer on Digital Illustration School. It would be very wrong of me to not let you in on this, since you were nice enough to hang out here today.

The first course in the school will be ready for download on Tuesday, June 2. For the first week that it’s online, I’m having a Grand Opening Special. The rate for the Vector Course Value Pack will be reduced (ok, slashed) for a whole week.

Two things you need to know to take advantage of this:

  1. I’m going to send out a discount code via e-mail. If you want to get the code, you need to sign up on the site before June 2nd.
  2. The sale ends at midnight on June 9th. After that, the price almost doubles.
  3. This is just for the Vector Course Value Pack. The other stuff is priced so cheap I’m almost giving it away as it is.

To recap, that means that for the first week, the price on the Vector Course Value Pack is $175. After June 9th, it goes up to $295 and stays there. Forever.

I don’t know about you, but even as a “creative type” with my limited math skills, that sounds like quite a deal.

If the course isn’t your thing, it’s cool. Maybe you know someone it would be perfect for, in which case you would be an amazing friend if you told that someone about this killer deal. Also in which case you could potentially earn some cash, since I’ll pay a whopping 25% commission if your someone purchases anything on the site. I’m going to set up an affiliate program soon but for now I feel really happy about offering you $43.75 just for helping an artist learn some mad new digital skills.

So before you forget, go sign up now.

How to Get and Keep Illustration and Design Jobs

The next exciting thing being hatched by my madly manic brain is a series of blog posts that will tell you how to get work as an artist.

I was thinking about how I’ve been getting art-type gigs for a really long time now. I was also thinking about how I used to hire people for art gigs. So with all this golden knowledge collecting dust in my noggin, it’s borderline criminal to not share all the inside information.

So I’m kicking off a series of blog posts that tell you how to get work as an artist. I’ll tell you everything. What to say (and not to say) in an art job interview, how to deal with the monotony of production work, and even deep, dark secrets about portfolio reviews that will probably make you angry… but at least you’ll know how it all works.

What about working at a design McJob while you pine away for that glorious freelance illustration career? Yep, I’ll clue you in on that stuff, too. I’ve done it. You can do it. There are just a few things you need to know that your boss isn’t going to tell you.

What about freelance gigs? How to get them, where to get… and where NOT to get them.

Right here, on the blog, read it when you need it.

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Launch much?

May 26th, 2009

So I have this site launch I’m working on. Maybe you heard me mention it.

Maybe it’s because I won’t shut up about it.

It’s the most exciting thing I’ve created since my son. That was a home birth, too. Then again… my wife did the heavy lifting on that project.

I was thinking about the fact that I’m really going to finish this and that I didn’t just let it die on my hard drive a few weeks ago.

Why?

This has been the hardest month of the year for me. A speaking engagement, two major client projects, alpaca shearing, and my daughter’s Best Birthday Party Ever.

So why didn’t it die or get pushed?

There were no lofty motivational quotes involved. No Nike poster jargon taped above the bed. Tony Robbins did not camp out in our guest room.

I think I kinda know why. Maybe.

I’m just this dude, you know? I asked myself who the hell I am to put this thing into the world, do I really think I can help even one person with this thing?

All these thoughts I have of “somebody already did this better,” or “people won’t laugh at me (in this case that would be bad)” have come and gone. Now there’s only the fact that I promised to get this thing online and I have to do it.

And that’s it.

I started talking about it to people before I had notes on paper. Then I emailed notes and got feedback (thanks, man!).

Then I jumped off a cliff and told my subscribers.

Then I put up a “coming soon” site, swallowed very hard, and let people know about it.

So at this point I have two choices:

1. Drop it and let people think I’m a total flake.

2. Get it done and see if it flies.

By now you can guess that I’m opting for number one.

I didn’t know it would be this much work. I didn’t know it would be this much fun. I didn’t know I could make it so funny and weird and still informational.

So now I’m just massively curious to see how it all comes out. There’s motivation for you.

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