“Dude, you have the biggest zit on your forehead.”
“What?”
“Right. THERE. Huge. That is one seriously monstrous blackhead, man. So anyway, I’m pulling into the gas station and this girl in a convertible, she…”
I’ve had friends throughout my life who always seem to be able to say whatever they want whenever they want. No hand-wringing, gut-wrenching, agonize-for-hours-over-best-approaches mind jabber, just straightforward, shooting from the hip.
That’s not me.
Sure, I’ve had my share of confrontation. When I managed a graphic design firm, I had to talk to angry clients at a moment’s notice. I couldn’t exactly ask them for a few minutes to meditate while I thought of a response. I had to think on my feet and find the magic solution to their problem without coming unglued myself. With practice I graduated from sputtering “uh-uh-uh-uh” to exhibiting the calm confidence of Yoda.
Even though I got great at those talks, I’m still not one of those blustery dudes who seem to possess a carefree ability to have a tough talk and move on to the next thing. It’s not that I even want to be one of those blustery dudes. I just wish I didn’t have to run things through my head fifty bazillion times before facing a tough conversation.
It’s starting to dawn on me that having a small business means that I still need to have talks with people that aren’t exactly whimsically chatty. I didn’t escape that by leaving the corporate world and setting up my lemonade stand on this planet. And just because I sell lemonade create illustration doesn’t mean I have suddenly mastered difficult conversations. I checked inside the packet with my estimated tax payment vouchers and I didn’t see any material on it there, either.
When you have a communications problem, ask a communications expert
Sometimes things and people appear when you need them to. I’m not getting all The Secret on you, it’s just true. Enter Ashley Sinclair.
I first encountered Sinclair when she teamed up with ittybiz to do a series of calls about money (the appropriately-named Money Calls). When I listened to the calls I actually put down my stylus and stopped multitasking. If you don’t know about me already, my stylus is like another appendage. It was akin to taking off my arm and hiding it under a pillow while I actually paid attention to the calls.
Planet Internet is a pretty weird place. Through some series of odd connecty bits, we actually met and talked about working on a few things together. Namely, she would create some genius things and I would sprinkle them with Sparky Firepants dust.
When she showed me the materials for her first genius thing, I immediately said, “Hell, I need that.” So after creating the decorative bits for her Acing Tough Talks Kit, I bought it.
So I can read and I can listen. What’s missing here?
So I kinda had a tough talk in mind as I dived into the kit. Which was perfect, because otherwise I think the material would have wooshed past my head. I had a reason to learn this stuff.
In addition to a live group call with Sinclair, the kit included a PDF that led me through how to structure a difficult conversation, which differs from my usual approach in that I figure out what I want to say and then… wing it. Apparently there’s more to it than that.
So I read the PDF and I got it. The concepts aren’t hard to understand, it’s just stuff I’ve never considered doing.
I had scheduled a coaching call with her as part of the package, but frankly I wasn’t sure why. I couldn’t imagine what we might talk about if all the material was already in front of me.
I don’t know if this happens to you, but I tend to read something, grasp it, nod my head, and… promptly forget what I learned. So even though I had a mission, I sort of forgot how I was going to frame the tough talk I needed to have. Oops.
So on our call, I quickly figured out why Sinclair does what she does. She led me through setting up my difficult conversation without simply reading the PDF to me over the phone. That would have been disappointing, not to mention easy to see through. Rather, she helped me figure out where I needed extra help and adjusted to what I had a handle on. Plus, she walked me through that stuff I forgot so now it’s burned on my brain.
So… now I know what that coaching call was for.
Color me skeptical
I’m discovering that I have a low tolerance for woo-woo. It’s not that I’m not a spiritual kind of guy, I am. I have a soft spot for Eastern philosophy and I practice Zen meditation. When things get too New Agey and mystical, I get impatient. So when I hear about a coaching program or an online product that claims to help me deal with real human stuff, I go in skeptical. Assume I’m already there before I read anything.
Something I discovered through working with Sinclair is that she has a very caring, sensitive approach to communicating with people. She’s also blunt and practical as hell. Grounded. I like grounded. So I can handle a half-woo when it’s countered with real world intelligence.
I’m running a business here. I have little time for meandering, impractical methods of dealing with people. I need real help. Like, now.
It’s always a relief to find that you’re working on something you can support without numbing your gag reflex. I highly recommend the Acing Tough Talks Kit for other half-woo, practical, need-to-get-going-with-the-difficult-conversations-already business person.
You can get the kit here.
Superpants update 7-21-10: Sinclair has authorized me to offer my readers 35% off the kit. If you’re here, that’s you. That’s amazingly generous. Use the code Iknowsomeonespecial at checkout here.
