As an artist, I try to maintain a big ego. It comes in handy when I fail, because then I can blame someone who isn’t as great as I am.

I encourage you to try this. Keep in mind that if you want to fail as big as me, you have to keep up with my ego.

Good luck with that.

How I Got Shot

I was about to get on the phone with a woman who needed an illustration for her product. She had been referred to me by someone I know.

So as I inserted my very special Important Guy hands-free talking device into my ear, I felt a sense of just how wonderful I am. All things pointed to me dazzling my prospect and creating awesomeness for another human. I am Spartacus! Oops – I mean, Sparky Firepants.

So we talked, this woman and me. She told me about her product and her people. I listened. We were nice to each other.

Suddenly, ka-POW!

Something hit me in the shoulder, knocking me off balance. Wait. Did I just get shot?

She said, “I really like this other artist, but he’s not available.”

I did! I just got shot! Ow.

Then, ka-ZANG!

Another shot to the chest: “Can we look at his portfolio so I can show you what I’m looking for?”

Oh man. I was on my knees, but still alive.

So we looked through the other artist’s work. It’s awesome, and I love this guy. Dammit.

I directed her back to my own site and my portfolio. She liked some of my stuff, but it wasn’t like the thing she had in her head.

Then, she handed me her gun. BLAM!

I used it to shoot myself.

“I’m sure I can create what you need in whatever style you want.”

Oooof. Sinking… fast…so… much… blood.

Post Mortem

Do I have to say the words? I didn’t get the project. See, it turns out I broke my own rule.

My rule is that if I feel like things aren’t clicking and someone is asking for something that just isn’t the thing I do, I walk away. Nicely, of course – and with a referral to a fellow illustrator who does that style. I know a few.

However, I was schooled in business in an atmosphere of “Just say yes, and we’ll figure it out!”

Sometimes it worked (as in, we brought in business), but it was always a strain on everyone as we quickly got up to speed on the new technique or service offering. You can only do that so much before your business starts looking like one of those Chinatown shops where they sell hats, fans, batteries, sandwiches, coffee, iPods… .

I guess old habits die hard, because I tried to sell this lady an iPod. And a wind-up dog. With mustard.

The lesson I’ve since learned (and re-learned, as you witnessed when I was gunned down) is that when the conversation turns to convincing someone I can do their thing, I’ve already lost. Those conversations suck out my soul and they don’t serve the other person, either.

So my ego died that day. Gunned down in broad daylight.

Good riddance.

I mean… I’ll see you later, I’m sure.

Good News Update: While I was recovering in the ICU, a few people dropped in to say they like my work and ask if we can work together. That feels a lot better to me and I know they’ll get the right thing… and something they love.

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