The Escape Clause: where did they hide the rainbows?

I’ve been paying close attention to my very brave friend Victoria Brouhard’s blog recently. She’s been opening up about the hard stuff. I admire her for it. It’s hard to be so honest about your business in such a public way. In fact, everything I’ve been taught from school through corporate life is, “Never let ‘em see you sweat.”

I’ve had a lot of failures since I opened the steam valve on the Firepants train. Check it out:

Becoming a Children’s Book Illustrator

My entire first year in business, I spent countless hours studying the industry, attending conferences, and learning how to build and present my portfolio before I realized an unexpected truth: I don’t want to illustrate trade books. In fact, the idea of working with an editor, trying to fit into someone else’s vision of what kind of art makes a book sell at Barnes & Noble is now about as abhorrent to me as letting my 2-year old drive the car. So I failed hard because I was constantly fighting this inner battle of trying to belong and not belonging.

Lesson: Do I still want to illustrate children’s books? Of course. I want to illustrate mine and to hell with the industry. I don’t need to sell a bazillion copies to feel good about my work. It would be cool, but it’s not my goal.

Digital Illustration School

My first attempt at launching a product. I had a great idea, a world-beater. Only, it was mostly my world. There was some interest and I’m still selling the vector illustration course, but it certainly did not become the Trust Agents of illustration tutorials. Stuff I did wrong:

• I launched the thing before I knew where the audience was and if they had a burning need for it (there was “kind of” a need, which isn’t enough).
• I wasn’t clear on the price. I shifted it around and kept lowering it because I thought that must be the problem. It wasn’t (see above).
• I had no way of promoting it outside of the initial launch, except just shouting. There was no reason for anyone to go back to the site if they didn’t need the vector course.

I’m still committed to the school, so I’m fixing the plane while it’s flying. I’ve had requests for a different course (Photoshop), so that’s in the works. I also created a blog with free tutes that expand on the vector course. I believe in that course, it’s completely awesome and a lot of fun. I just didn’t get the word out very well.

Lesson: I did a lot of things right. The product itself is awesome and I still feel great about it. I have experience launching a product and I know I can do it again.

Other Funtastic Failures

So many tiny ones that would probably bore you. Overspending and whatnot. Drinking coffee over my keyboard. But some I want to point out:

• Joining too many networking groups and trying to fit into them (lesson: if I have to fit in, I shouldn’t be there).
• Trying to be all things to all prospective clients. I took on a lot of projects that I shouldn’t have (lesson: if I have to fit in, I shouldn’t take the job).
• Sparky Ebook Cover Design. Cheap ebook covers. Excrutiating, because it’s just not in me to do quick and dirty. (lesson: if I have to dumb down my service, I shouldn’t create the product).

Rainbows and unicorns were waiting for me when I left my job

Um, right. It’s kind of sad, but I read a lot of blogs, comments, and tweets about how people can’t wait to give The Man the finger so they can go do what’s in their heart. I have the deepest empathy for those people, because I used to be one of them. Now I’m on my own (though it wasn’t the finger I gave, it was a hug) and I have a very different perspective.

The stuff I do now is the stuff I want to be doing. Sometimes. Other times it’s stuff I have to do to keep the ship from running into icebergs. I work on projects that are deeply fulfilling, profoundly meaningful, and fun. Sometimes. Other times I work on stuff that keeps the lights on. I spend most of my time without a boss looking over my shoulder, keeping me on track. Sometimes. Other times I have to seek out people to help keep me on track because I can get distra — SQUIRREL! — what was I saying?

If you’re looking to jump ship because it’s not the kind of work that fills your heart with love and makes every day a Disney Day of chirping birds and — SQUIRRELS! — I’d like to offer a suggestion. Before you mentally cut ties with your employer to seek Buddha-like fulfillment and get away from the drudgery of a j-o-b, try changing the way you approach your j-o-b. In other words, pretend your boss has hired you as an outside consultant. If that were the case, how would you think about what you do all day? How creative could you get within that framework? Could you do things that no one else in your company would dare take on because “It ain’t my job?”

I used to work with a brilliant dude named Gabe. Nobody in our company could really define exactly what Gabe did for us. He always seemed to be working on some exciting project, traveling, in meetings with upper management, lunching with our clients, and calling us to ask questions about our systems and how we used them.

Everyone wanted to do what Gabe was doing because it seemed so much more exciting than what we did all day. I’ll bet that Gabe wasn’t looking to jump ship. Why would he? He created a place for himself in the company where he was accountable, yet had amazing autonomy and creative input. Oddly, there were always a few people in our company who grumbled, “Arghh, they don’t let you do anything you want to do here.” If that were true, then how did Gabe manage it? There were a few others like Gabe, but he was the best example.

If you work in a place that’s truly stunting your creative growth, then sure, find a way out. Consider that if you didn’t at least try to find that sweet spot in your job, how will you find it on your own?

Victoriaschmoria knows

This is why you should pay close attention to what she’s doing. She’s been there. She knows what it’s like to venture out on your own. From what I know of her, she’s also the kind of person who would have been the Gabe of her company. Now she’s working on her own thing and showing us the hard stuff that happens when you pursue your dream. Personally, I’m grateful for that insight. I don’t always have the cajones to show you the worn elastic in my underPants, but it’s there.

I don’t regret going out on my own. If I did, I wouldn’t be writing this, I’d be on Facebook posting “TGIF!” every week. This is hard. It’s rewarding in so many ways, but it. is. hard. It’s harder than what I used to do for any company I ever worked for. I had it easy, man. I could phone it in at least three days a week if I wanted to and still get a nice paycheck and benefits. I can’t phone this in. If I’m not “on” in March, I’ll be scrambling in April and May.

There’s my insight, honesty and worn elastic.

Next time on As the Internet Turns: How I started running again and why business allegory keeps popping up on the road.

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