I got back late last Tuesday night from New York. Apparently not too late for my two-year old son, who was waiting patiently on the couch wearing his only-for-special-occasions skeleton mask. It was a huge reward for a long, bone-wearying trip home.
I was in New York for SURTEX and the National Stationery show. SURTEX is kinda like sxsw for the art licensing crowd. Less alcohol. More sport jackets. Back in January I made a video about my foray into the world of art licensing. This was Step One.
My purpose in going to the show this year (my first), was to do live research on How This Game is Played. It was like standing behind the geezers at the park playing champion-level chess. I know the basic rules, but I want to learn the strategy. I walked the floor with some talented and business-savvy compatriots who are also exhibiting next year.
We all made our notes and shared insights on what we saw. I won’t go into all of them here but one observation stands out and appeals to any business, not just art licensing. It’s been argued about, ignored, and completely underestimated by some. It’s fodder for the cynical. It’s been taken as a replacement for doing the work.
It’s the likeability factor.
I like you. Where’s my wallet?
It would be super cool if you could just be a chatty, friendly character and people would hand you their cash. It wouldn’t even matter what you did. You could offer blood sausage to a vegetarian and they would thank you for the privilege.
It doesn’t work that way, but it’s fun to imagine.
I read about the likeability factor in Michael Port’s Book Yourself Solid (I highly recommend it). Michael reenforced some things I suspected and have experienced in building a successful business.
“We don’t want to admit it, we don’t want to believe it, we’ve been told that it ain’t necessarily so, but ultimately, if you’re well-liked, if you’re likeability factor is high, you’re more likely to be chosen…” – Tim Sanders
That kind of statement usually sets off a series of strong… um, discussions. Some people loathe this concept and I don’t blame them. It’s kind of scary to think about because sometimes we translate “likeable” to mean “outgoing” or the stomach-turning “having personality.”
This hasn’t been my experience. In fact, I do business with some people who are kind of shy. They don’t have a stand-up comedy routine every time we work together. It’s not always hugs and high-fives. But I still enjoy working with them.
How to be likeable without throwing up afterwards
Likeability is much easier to accomplish than it sounds. In part, it’s courtesy, politeness. It’s about acknowledging communication. You do need to generally not be a complete bunghole.
Likeability is also about your audience. If the people you serve like snarky rants and swearing and that’s what you offer, then you are already likeable. Don’t get all Sandra Dee Smileypants just to become what you think Michael Port’s idea of likeability is. Stick with your own brand of likeability. It’s not about fakery, it’s about serving people.
Some people will hate you. Revel in your hateability factor, because it’s an excellent filter. Be yourself, throw up less.
You still have to be good
The most likeable person in the world won’t last long in their business if they can’t deliver the goods. At some point, you have to actually offer something of value. Your yoga instructor can be the warmest, huggingest dude on the planet but if you leave class wondering if he really knew what he was doing, it’s not likely you’ll continue.
But consider the opposite.
How likely are you to buy from someone with outstanding skills and a service you need that treats you like sweater lint? Think about what it feels like when you encounter a grumbly, scowling barista. You might get The World’s Best Coffee, but there’s something about the experience that will stick with you long after you’ve freshened your breath. Not even Altoids can take away the feeling of meh.
Congeniality Pants strikes again
You can try too hard to be likeable. You can smooch big butts all day long and no one becomes interested in what you’re offering. You can paste on a Miss America smile and drive people away.
The likeablity factor isn’t about faking nice or becoming a “personality.” Ugh. Being likeable is simply about allowing people to feel welcome and comfortable. You’re not trying to win a contest. Even the shyest people I know can still be likeable.
Skeleton Boy FTW
If you’ve ever been in the same room with a screaming, squirming, sharp-object-throwing, uncooperative toddler, you will start to wonder why children aren’t raised by robots in a secure, secluded facility. It doesn’t matter how much parental love lies underneath, you’ll take any opportunity to leave the room.
When I come home late at night from an exhausting trip to find my little dude wearing his favoritest skeleton mask, waiting patiently for a hug, I wouldn’t take any amount of money to leave that room.
That’s likeability. And thankfully, he’s also selling something I need.
I was talking to my hairdresser about this the other day: I'm more concerned with the conversation we have while I'm there than if she gives me the best haircut or not. She and I have the best laughs and rants about the world while I'm there. I have a high aversion to “weather talk” so I'd rather go where I can have a meaningful connection, you know?
p.s. Love the skeleton mask! That must have been so sweet to come home to.
Glad you got a picture you can blackmail him with when he starts dating. But oh, you've got a keeper there, my friend. It's true; likeability can get you jobs. Fortunately adults don't play completely by the old “popular” crowd criteria to determine likeability. The biggest drawback to being an introvert is that it can be difficult for us to be charming; most of us have to settle for quietly endearing. Not me, of course. I am one of the most outgoing introverts you'll ever meet – for a couple of hours at a time, anyways.