phone: 971.533.7013 • e-mail: david@sparkyfirepants.com • twitter: @sparkyfirepants

All images on this web site are ©2009 David J. Billings, except where noted.

Amplified client management for your creative business

Do clients drive you insane sometimes? Yeah, we can fix that.

What this is

It's a weird, crazy, mind-blowing workshop where you get rock star-level help with your worst client nightmares. For rock star creatives only.

When this is happening happened

Thursday, November 5th, 2009 9:00 AM - 1:00 PM It's over!

Where this is happening happened

Phoenix, AZ @ Gangplank HQ (Chandler location)

Breakfast of champions is provided. Includes chocolate.

A Workshop from a very different place.

This is not an ordinary seminar-type thing. It's not a collection of "Super Tips" or stuff I could project on a screen in neat little bullet points. It's from a very different place, a place where there are real people and real problems, not bullet points.

This past year, I've been getting e-mails and DMs from other creatives asking me advice about their impossible client situations. I doled out some snippets of advice, but I felt like it was just surface-scratching stuff, like curing a symptom and not the disease.

I decided it was time to get all holistic and start treating the entire body of client ills. So over the past several months, I started consciously keeping track of the way I work with my clients. Things that I do all the time but just never put down on paper. It's the exact same stuff I use every day and the reason that 80% of my work is repeat business.

Problem: Independent creative business people need stellar client management skills to be competitive. The "School of Hard Knocks" is a long and expensive process.

Solution: I've gathered my 10 years of experience in managing clients in the creative world and created a wildly fun workshop that will teach creative biz owners how to manage their biggest asset (psst, it's your clients).

Before I dive into a snappy agenda, I want to tell you about my worst and best client experience, which were oddly one in the same.

The Case of the Screaming Client

I used to work with attorneys. Our firm developed presentations for courtroom exhibits. We worked on some of the most intense, expensive (in the billions), public (we're talking Blackberry and a certain good-at-everything TV craft maven here), downright world-changing cases in the United States. Brutal hours. Egos the size of a small SUV. Pointless 180-degree changes in a presentation the night before court. 11th hour insanity.

My job as Art Director/Project Manager was to make sure the graphics were created on time, correctly, and to the best of our creative team's ability. We were considered the best in the nation for our industry.

Cue the screaming.

Have you ever been told you're an idiot? By a client? By one of the best attorneys in the country?

Really? Me, too. We should have coffee sometime.

Yep, it happened. Late one night (well, it was still early by New York standards), I got a call about the graphics we had just completed for the next day in court. It wasn't a pat on the back kind of call, or even a gentle, "There are a few tweaks we feel we'd like to make..."

There was just this high-pitched screaming noise on the other end of the phone. One of the artists on the other side of the room looked up (and he had his headphones on).

"You have got to be ****ing kidding me. You cannot be this stupid, can you?"

That was just the warm up.

I listened to this supposedly powerful dude (I thought powerful people didn't have to scream like little girls to get what they want, but I was wrong) for a good five minutes (the artist timed him) before I tried to interject with an apology for whatever might be wrong (I still couldn't tell yet).

"Sorry my ass! You're such a goddamned idiot. I'm going to have you fired after this is over..."

You can guess how I felt. I was scared. I was mortified that I might actually be as stupid as he said I was. I was nervous. I was...

...wait. I was angry.

Yeah, angry. So far this Atticus Finch genius of a courtroom communicator couldn't even communicate to me what was wrong with the graphics. He was just letting me have it without giving me a chance to ask him how we could fix it. The nerve of the guy to call me an idiot. I'm actually pretty smart about a few things. Don't tell anyone.

He continued to yell while managing to relay absolutely zero constructive information. After another minute of three-year old phone tantrum and I...

..hung up on him.

Actually, I slammed the phone down and pushed away from my desk. "I'll be back in a few minutes," I said to the artist who had turned a perfect 20% gray.

Before I was out the door, the phone rang. I let the voicemail get it.

Oh, I was so fired.

I knew it. F-I-R-E-D.

As soon as my boss woke up and checked his e-mail, the next call I got would be to pack my shit and get out. Fired.

I came back inside and was sort of resigned to losing my career when the phone rang again. This time I answered it. It was one of the associate attorneys working with the powerful toddler.

"First, I want to apologize for ----. Are you okay? The truth is, he's been screaming at us all night and you're the first one to call his bluff, so to speak."

I was shocked. Am I still fired?

It turned out I wasn't. In fact, the associate called my boss from court to tell him how great the graphics went over and that ---- wanted to express his appreciation for our patience with his changes. Not exactly an apology, but it didn't matter anymore.

By the time I got to tell my boss what had happened, that didn't matter, either. He even told me that he would have hung up sooner.

I realized something that day. I was important. I was smart. I had some self-respect.

Since that day, I've worked with other nasty, mean people. Confused people. Crazy people. Well-meaning but tiresome people. Nice people.

Through tons of frontline experience, I learned what it takes to make clients happy without sacrificing your own peace of mind and dignity.

Oh, sure, I still get difficult clients and I still whine about them to my wife about what a pain in the ass they are.

The important thing to understand is that the clients won't change and you can't change the client. You can only change your approach to dealing with them.

The Workshop

This the part where I tell you exactly what this workshop is. Most people are probably going to run the other way because it's kind of weird. It's kind of a challenge.

I'll get to that in a minute. First, I'll tell you what it's not.

This workshop may not be your thing. It's not for everyone, so let's be honest.

This isn't a collection of Top Ten How-to... tips, it's not rehashed material from an article in Juxtapoze. This is not the same old recycled coporate-style agency guru seminar you've seen before. It's definitely not for the faint of heart. Or the boring. Or the terminally bored.

If you're usually bored with what you're doing day to day, you probably should run away. It's not for you and that's cool. No hard feelings.

This workshop is for the people who are already creative rock stars. People who get excited by what they do. People who aren't afraid to show that they're excited by what they do. People who are just damn awesome at those creative things they do.

People who are willing to work different. People who already learn different.

For example, didn't school suck? Listening to some bored hack drone on, reading from a textbook and asking the easy questions so you could pass a test?

Man, it sucked for me. I always wanted to be engaged, not read to. Since I learned to read in 1st grade, story time got old pretty quick.

When I jumped into the corporate world, guess what happened? PowerPoint.

I was being read to again. I hated it so much that I vowed I would never present anything or teach by reading bullet points.

Because the people I want to teach are too smart and busy and engaged to tolerate that kind of crap.

If that's you, then hang on for a minute (thanks).

For the rest: If what I said doesn't make you say, "Yes! I hate that, too, and I want to experience something that rocks my world for a goddamn change!"

...then here's your stop. No hard feelings. See ya later, we're cool.

###

So now it's just us. The people who want to do amazing things and interact with each other in totally weird ways that help us grow in our creative businesses.

I knew I recognized you from somewhere. We come from the same planet.

So here's what we're going do with our time in November (assuming you're in, that is).

We're going to change the way you work with your clients. Again, I don't mean the which-invoicing-software-is-best kind of thing. I don't mean "Twelve Tips to Solve Your Billing Problems." Ugh.

We're going to talk about the real stuff. The people stuff. About why that one guy treats you like crap but keeps calling you with new projects.

Oh. And why you let him do that.

We'll talk about those clients whose projects start off with a bang and then... fizzle. And start. And fizzle. And... you get the picture. Having four floaty projects in the air at once drives you insane, but it's out of your hands, right? Wrong! Wrong, wrong and wronger.

We'll go back to when you were watching Sesame Street. Grover was actually teaching lessons about creative business, but you missed them because he was so damn lovable and furry. It's okay, you were only four. We'll go back and I'll point them out to you.

Like I said, this is the real stuff. The every day stuff that you figure is just part of dealing with clients. Well, it sort of is. But it's sort of... stupid. Stupid because it doesn't have to be part of your every day. Seriously. Here's more of a breakdown:

Stuff we'll talk about

• I See Mean People

• Creep... creep... stop the dreaded scope creep

• Blue. No, orange. No, blue. More blue. A little more orange, but less blue.

• Turning down work so you can make more money. Yep, that's how we roll.

• My lawyer will call your lawyer: contracts and agreements from hell

• Give them what they need, not what they ask for

• Who's life is this anyway? Be protective of your time and keep your dignity

• Getting your clients to work for you.

"Dave is truly a master at communication – from simple emails to those tremendous graphics he creates." Megan Bonnell, KrollOnTrack/TrialGraphix

How we'll do this thing

Well, first I'll talk to you a little bit. I'll tell you about things that will challenge your current perceptions of client interaction. You'll learn to understand why some of your clients are so crazy, and better yet – what you can do to keep from going crazy yourself. I'll share some of my secrets – stuff I do that just works every time, with everyone.

You will be entertained as well as educated. I'll sing. I'll show you funny videos. I'll point to stuff on a screen with a flourish.

Then we'll talk to each other. This is where you get to share your war stories, present your most frustrating client problems, and ask the really chewy, tough-as-beef-jerky questions.

Sure, I'll answer anything you're dying to ask. Even better, we'll use the collective experience and wisdom of the group to create some amazing epiphanies for all.

So you'll get a workbook. You can color in it and doodle in the margins if you want, I totally understand. I will, too. We'll compare. It will look just like our Algebra textbooks in high school.

I won't kid you, this is going to be different. I'm going to challenge you because I know you're pretty sure you've heard it all before and nothing can change your crazy clients.

That's true. You can't change your clients. But you can change the way you deal with them. Completely. Totally.

Best of all you get to be you – maybe more than you've ever been before. Don't worry, you'll still be a professional. No one will report us to the Better Business Bureau.

But we need to do things differently from everyone else if we're going to stay sane and succeed in a creative business.

I couldn't be saying any of this if I couldn't back it up with results. I would just be a guy with a guitar and a puppet without a leg to stand on if I didn't feel totally confident that the things I do with my clients keep them coming back.

Over 80% of my graphics business is repeat clients and client referrals. That's no accident – and it's easier than trying to win new clients.

I am so excited about sharing my knowledge with you. The kind of stuff you're going to walk away with is simply mind-blowing. It's stuff you can actually use in your business right away, right out the door.

And of course, if you get stuck, you've got an hour of consulting with me to iron out any kinks.

Every person who attends the workshop gets an hour of personal attention via phone. One-on-one private coaching, tailored to you and your biz.

"His approach is practical, reassuring, and best of all ... hilarious!" Richard Miller, Calyx Design (speaking about my online vector course)

Who will benefit the most from this workshop

The ideal participant will:

... be in a creative business. Graphic Design, Web Design, Illustration, Animation, App Development, Jewelry Design. If you think your business is pretty damn creative, well, come on in.

Hint: If you wear a gray suit and say the words, "investment opportunity" more than once a day, it's probably not for you.

...have or appreciate a wacky, goofy, off-the-wall sense of humor.

...enjoy some Weird Al-type singing and puppets. Clown fear is OK. I share your angst.

...be amazingly talented with awesome skills and some clients. No ID necessary – if you register I'll trust that you're awesome.

...work in a creative position where you deal with clients every day.

...be open to sharing experiences, knowledge and ideas with a small group of like-minded creative people.

If this sounds like you, then register now.

I have more questions.

It's important to me that this is the right thing for you, so please, ask away: david@sparkyfirepants.com.

Cancellation policy

Here it is, as simple as possible:

Cancel before October 15th: 90% refund

Cancel after October 15th: no refund*

*If you need to cancel for any reason and someone fills your spot (and they complete the workshop), you'll still get a FULL REFUND. Fair enough?